Twenty-nine years in Cuernavaca - February 2019

We arrived yesterday, and in some wonderful way it was as though we'd come "home." This is our 29th year coming to Cuernavaca as the guests of our most generous hosts, Fred and Kat Hickman. We were greeted by Fred and Kat as well as another couple down from Chicago, Edna and Larry.  The staff seemed genuinely happy to see us again and we were shown pictures of Natalia's new granddaughter, Camilla.  Natalia said that her son, Raul will bring Camilla to visit us sometime next week.  That will be wonderful, as 27 years ago when Natalia was on the housekeeping staff, she brought Raul as an infant, and I remember it well.  Since that time, Natalia has learned to cook by apprenticing herself to the various cooks we had, and she now, for the past five or six years, has been our chef extraordinaire.

Since I've been doing these blogs in Mexico for quite a while, I hope to concentrate on our discussions this year rather than the food, bouganvilla, or sites.  But lest you have forgotten or not yet seen our villa, I do want you to be able to picture where these stimulating discussions are taking place:

Our House

Pool side

A plate of fresh fruit served every morning along with fresh squeezed orange juice and a delicious Mexican meal.

I think of my time here as my Mexican Chautauqua;  the discussions are always interesting and always varied, and I am in constant learning mode.  As many of you know, there is often a preponderance of Republicans at the table.  Fred as the host and leader of the discussions is extremely well-read and counters my rash, often emotional opinions with well thought out, moderate opinions that often make a lot of sense.  I might also add that one of Fred's "Rules of the House" is that there can only be ONE conversation going on at a time.  This squashes any side-conversation that can be distracting and keeps us all listening to each other which makes for much better sharing and comprehension.

So the first discussion I want to share with you is regarding the explosive mess that Governor Northam of Virginia finds himself in.

Here's a guy that just a week ago discovers there is this appalling picture on his Medical School Yearbook page of a man in blackface standing next to a man dressed as a clansman.  On Friday, the governor confirmed he was one of the people pictured and issued an apology, calling the costumes "clearly racist and offensive." But on Saturday, he called a news conference to say he does not believe he is either person in the photograph.

Now to me, this seemed ludicrous.  How could one day you say you were in that picture and the next day say, "Oh, no, now that I think of it, that's not me!!!"  It's beyond my reasoning powers to think someone could change one's mind.  If someone had shown me a similar picture and asked if I might possibly be that person I would say, IMPOSSIBLE!  So I asked the question to our group at margarita time:  Do you think there's a chance that he's telling the truth when he says one day he is in the picture and the next day he denies he's in the picture?"  All the men thought it was possible.  He was probably very upset and shocked at first, but then later realized it wasn't him.  The women were not so quick to give him the benefit of the doubt.  I also wonder if we give him the benefit of the doubt that he is not in the picture, why is the picture on HIS yearbook page?

Fred, who is an avid reader told us about an article from the Chicago Tribune, written by Dahleen Galton, an African American woman journalist who thinks this whole incident has been politicized.  In her article, she points out that this happened 35 years ago in the State of Virginia - a state with a renowned racist history.  Richmond was the capital of the Confederacy.  She says, "Is it really so shocking that someone who grew up on a farm in a county with such strong ties to slavery might have put black shoe polish on his face at one time or another?"

Northam also admitted to wearing blackface for a dance contest where he was doing the moonwalk ala Michael Jackson.  Galton reports, "Northam says he didn’t realize the harm he’d done by dancing in blackface until he had a conversation about it later with a person of color.  “He let me know why this was offensive,” Northam said at a news conference Saturday. “I apologized to him, and I will never do it again.”

She then goes on to enumerate the reasons most African Americans voted for him:  He agreed with them that Confederate monuments have no right in public spaces. Since taking office, he has worked to expand Medicaid to serve the poor. He has helped restore voting rights to felons, politically empowering more black men.

I read the article and urge you to do so as well.  (Click HERE.)  After reading this article I was instantly taken back twenty-five years ago to the San Francisco Day School where I was the Upper School Head.  I don't remember the exact conversation, but we had just come back from Spring break and we were talking about how tan someone was.  I said, "I don't have the kind of skin that tans;  I turn more like Oriental yellow."  Later that afternoon, the PE teacher, Marcus Chang, came into my office and said, "Nancy, can we talk?" 

"Sure, Marcus, come on in."  Marcus told me that what I had said about "Oriental yellow" was very offensive to him as a Chinese man.  I was taken aback.  Marcus told me we can have Oriental food, and Oriental rugs but NOT Oriental people.  I had referred to Asians as Orientals all my life, never knowing it was an offensive term.  I apologized profusely, saying I really never meant to offend him.  After my conversation with Marcus, I have NEVER used the term to refer to people again.  Some say our society has gone too far;  we're too sensitive and it's like walking on eggshells to navigate the cultural/racial/ethnic maze of what's offensive and what's acceptable.  The word Oriental is not charged for me, but when I learned that it offended a co-worker, I dropped it from my vocabulary and easily adopted the term Asian.  

I think learning and becoming more sensitive to the feelings of others is a good thing.  Just in writing this, I am disquieted that I used the term "yellow" to refer to an Asian's skin color.  As a child, I was taught there were four skin colors:  white, black, yellow and red.  I Googled "How many skin colors are there" and the first thing that popped up was, "There are no people who actually have true black, white, red, or yellow skin. These are commonly used color terms that do not reflect biological reality. Skin color is due primarily to the presence of a pigment called melanin, which is controlled by at least 6 genes."  So maybe they are still commonly used terms.  But if an Asian or Native American told me he or she were offended if I referred to their skin color as yellow or red, I wouldn't do it.
I'm not sure where the Northram debacle will end up - especially now that the African American Lt. Governor has been accused of sexual assault.  Are these good men who have been politicized?  Or if they are guilty, should they be taken at their word that they have learned from past ignorances and indiscretions and are ready to serve all members of their constituencies with honor?  Or should we stand on our principles and oust them from public office knowing that a man or woman never really changes his or her core beliefs or ethics?  

This is a perfect example of why I love coming to Cuernavaca.  My positions are constantly being challenged, and I am forced to view things from different perspectives.  I would look forward to your comments about this - especially about the article in the Chicago Tribune.  I'm still not sure how I feel about this particular situation, but our discussion and the viewpoint from an African American journalist have caused me to reconsider.

Stay tuned....